Is It Still Paranoia When They Really Are After You?

Further proof...

I get a call from the General Manager on my day off. "I need you to come in at 10:00 tomorrow."

"Um, okay, but why?"

"I need you to be there when I confront Arthur."

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Well, I'd rather talk about it tomorrow. You might tell him what I say."

Deep breath. It's okay. "Give me an idea."

"No," she says in a stage whisper, "we'll talk tomorrow morning."

So I get things straightened out with my wife, and promptly at 9:50 I walk in to the office to talk to her. "What's up?"

"Arthur's been talking about me behind my back."

"How so?"

"Well, he was overheard the other day talking with the secretary about how I'm such a hard person to work for and he just can't stand me."

"That doesn't sound like him, but we'll talk to him to be sure."

So, I'm sent out to get him and bring him to the conference room.

"Arthur, it's come to my attention that you don't like me and don't like working with me. Don't deny it, I have it on good authority that you have been gossiping."

Arthur looks at me, bewildered, and says, "What are you talking about?!"

I know this guy. If it's possible, he's more professional at work than even I am. I give him the "Duh, wha'?" look and promise a discussion later.

"You're gossiping behind my back," she insists again. "I know you are."

"Where are you getting this? I'd never do this and, frankly, I'm insulted that you'd even think it."

"It came from Helen." She's the head cleaner. Oh, did I mention that she's also a HUGE gossip?

Arthur looks at me. I can see his mental Rolodex flipping through. "You know, I saw her talking to your secretary yesterday afternoon. I heard bits of the conversation, but I steered clear when I heard it. I didn't want any part."

"She says you started the discussion and she just overheard it!"

"Well, that's patently untrue. I'd never join in gossip at work, especially with people I have to work with."

Arthur's allowed to leave, and I follow, talking about what else is going on, leaving the embarrassment of the last hour behind us.

The next day, I come in for my shift, and She's there again. Waiting for me.

"Arthur lied to us."

"Really? How?"

"Helen came to my office after she came in and said that he'd come to her and asked her not to drag his name through her issues."

"I don't see how he's lying, really..."

"He's trying to cover! It's all a cover! He hates me!"

Maybe they should come. Just wearing clean white coats, and carrying one with really long sleeves. Just for you!

No Respect

(With all apologies to Mr. Dangerfield.)

I've been supervisor at my current job now for a little over 3 months. In that time, I've learned of a new level of egotism that I'd never even dreamed existed.

It's a beautiful spring morning, and I'm sitting at the guard desk, greeting visitors, BSing with tenants and regulars, when I look up from some paperwork and see none other than the chief of police standing at my desk.

"Good morning, sir, how can I help you?" I say.

"Well," he says with a slightly befuddled look on his face, "I was sent here by the guard at the building across the way - they said they don't have a bathroom, but you do."

Truth be told, we don't have a public bathroom. No office buildings in the downtown area - of a certain calibre - do. But he's the chief of police. "Sir," I explain, we don't have a public bathroom, but I respect law enforcement and I'll let you use our bathroom. Come this way, please?"

I let him in the bathroom, and as I am walking away, the general manager of the management company stops me and says, "What was that?"

"That was Chief -------," I respond with a shake of my head. "Can you believe they wouldn't let him use their restroom across the way?"

"Yes," she says. "And I don't want to see you ever let anyone use our restroom again! We don't have a public restroom, and I will not have you letting just anyone use it!"

I look at her, expecting to see a twinkle of "just kidding" in her eye, but, damn, she's serious. "I'm sorry," I say, "I respect law enforcement."

"I don't care if the president of the country asked for the bathroom, you don't let anyone use it!" she says, with the most imperious look in her eye, and then she stalks off down the hall to her office.

Small people.

Car Sales

What an aggravation.

We were considering a new car. Not that we needed one, we just have a two wheel drive sedan and nobody in our little family is what you would call ... versed ... in driving in the snow. So we saw a possible replacement in the paper and called.

"Hello, Ripoff Car Sales, how can I help you?"

"Hi, we were looking through the paper and saw that you have this car available right now. We have been thinking about upgrading to a 4x4 and this looks like a good unit."

"Oh, definitely, Sir, a great vehicle. Why don't you come down and we'll take a look at your car and tell you what we can get you for the trade in."

"Well, actually," I said, "we've got a small child, and from experience, she doesn't do the waiting around bit too well, so why don't we just run the financing from here, and we'll see if you can get it to a monthly we can work with."

"Fair enough sir, give me the information about your car, and the payoff you've got for it."

So, information exchanged, we hanged up.

First thing next morning, I get a phone call from the dealership.

"Sir, we have run the numbers, and we think we can get this done for you."

"Excellent," I say, thinking it's in the bag, "but I want you to know, before I come down, if you're not in the ballpark we discussed, this is not going to go down."

"Oh, Sir," he slimes, "we're definitely in the ball park. Come on down, and we'll work the numbers and look at your car."

"Tell me specifics. I need to know before I make the trip, bundle baby in..."

"Oh, I don't have the numbers here in front of me, but they're doable."

Alright. Fine, I should have said no and waited for him to get the numbers. But I'm a trusting fool, and I figured, what ever, it'll work.

So I put my baby in her car seat, move it from the usual car into the car we'll trade in, and strap it in... after about 20 minutes of aggravating stuff, we're on our way. Singing, trying to keep the baby happy...

So we roll into the parking lot about 30 minutes later. I walk through the door with 'monster' on my hip and to the desk, and I ask for the salesman.

"Sure, hold on, he'll be right out."

To his credit, he's there in mere moments. Shake hands, pinch cheeks, (baby's, not his) and we go back to his office where he promises he'll be right back with the info.

5 minutes later, "Okay, so here's what we've got," he says as he lays out a stack of papers. "Trade in, we've agreed is this much, the new SUV is this much, and with the interest rate we got for you, this will be the monthly payment."

"..." I say, trying to get my breath. He's $200 over what I said was the maximum. "This is no where near what we talked about. This isn't a ballpark!" I say.

"Well, this is what we can do. So, you ready to sign?"

I swear, he was surprised when I got up and walked out.