Is It Still Paranoia When They Really Are After You?

Further proof...

I get a call from the General Manager on my day off. "I need you to come in at 10:00 tomorrow."

"Um, okay, but why?"

"I need you to be there when I confront Arthur."

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Well, I'd rather talk about it tomorrow. You might tell him what I say."

Deep breath. It's okay. "Give me an idea."

"No," she says in a stage whisper, "we'll talk tomorrow morning."

So I get things straightened out with my wife, and promptly at 9:50 I walk in to the office to talk to her. "What's up?"

"Arthur's been talking about me behind my back."

"How so?"

"Well, he was overheard the other day talking with the secretary about how I'm such a hard person to work for and he just can't stand me."

"That doesn't sound like him, but we'll talk to him to be sure."

So, I'm sent out to get him and bring him to the conference room.

"Arthur, it's come to my attention that you don't like me and don't like working with me. Don't deny it, I have it on good authority that you have been gossiping."

Arthur looks at me, bewildered, and says, "What are you talking about?!"

I know this guy. If it's possible, he's more professional at work than even I am. I give him the "Duh, wha'?" look and promise a discussion later.

"You're gossiping behind my back," she insists again. "I know you are."

"Where are you getting this? I'd never do this and, frankly, I'm insulted that you'd even think it."

"It came from Helen." She's the head cleaner. Oh, did I mention that she's also a HUGE gossip?

Arthur looks at me. I can see his mental Rolodex flipping through. "You know, I saw her talking to your secretary yesterday afternoon. I heard bits of the conversation, but I steered clear when I heard it. I didn't want any part."

"She says you started the discussion and she just overheard it!"

"Well, that's patently untrue. I'd never join in gossip at work, especially with people I have to work with."

Arthur's allowed to leave, and I follow, talking about what else is going on, leaving the embarrassment of the last hour behind us.

The next day, I come in for my shift, and She's there again. Waiting for me.

"Arthur lied to us."

"Really? How?"

"Helen came to my office after she came in and said that he'd come to her and asked her not to drag his name through her issues."

"I don't see how he's lying, really..."

"He's trying to cover! It's all a cover! He hates me!"

Maybe they should come. Just wearing clean white coats, and carrying one with really long sleeves. Just for you!